Mens 3rd XI

Match Report

The Slazenger 3s rolled into Sheepscar for what was supposed to be a routine Saturday afternoon fixture. Instead, they found themselves walking into what can only be described as Police Academy: Hockey Squad.

With neither side deploying a goalkeeper, the match immediately had all the defensive security of a police station with the doors left unlocked.

INCIDENT 1: SLazenger take control - Slazenger wasted no time establishing authority. 2–0. Two early goals put the boys firmly in command, and for a brief moment it looked like the Slazenger Police Department had everything under control.

But then came the first major breach.

Sheepscar responded with four unanswered goals, turning the situation on its head and leaving Slazenger staring at a 4–2 deficit.

The evidence was mounting. The defensive unit was being questioned. Several witnesses were unavailable for comment.

INCIDENT 2: THE COMEBACK - Rather than surrender, Slazenger launched a counter-operation. Bish stepped up with a hat-trick across the game, while Scott, Tim, John and Jack also got themselves onto the official incident report. The comeback was complete.

4–4.

At this point, both teams appeared to have forgotten that hockey is traditionally a sport where someone is supposed to stop the ball from going into the goal.With the scores level, the match was finely poised. Then Sheepscar discovered the accelerator.

INCIDENT 3: THE GETAWAY - What followed can only be described as a full-scale defensive escape operation. Sheepscar ran riot, piling on goal after goal as Slazenger struggled to contain the hosts. With no goalkeepers on either side, every attack increasingly resembled a high-speed pursuit, and unfortunately for Slazenger, Sheepscar had the faster getaway vehicle.

The final score:SHEEPSCAR 17–7 SLAZENGER - A staggering 24 goals were recorded, making this less of a hockey match and more of an open-house goal exhibition.

Despite the eventual scoreline, Slazenger showed plenty of attacking threat and character. Coming back from 4–2 down to make it 4–4 demonstrated exactly what the side was capable of before Sheepscar eventually broke clear.

OFFICER OF THE MATCH

There could only be one candidate. PC Josh takes Man of the Match for an outstanding performance at centre back. Despite what the scoreline suggests he saved it from being a whole lot worse.

Match Report

It was a warm late-summer day in Bradford, and the Slazenger travelling away from Horbury arrived very, very early. Captain Scott had clearly decided that after last week’s rather unfortunate 17–7 defeat, the squad needed a little extra time for preparation. No cutting corners this week — the full beauty regime was required!

First came the preparation: plenty of warm-up, a generous application of determination, and perhaps a little concealer to hide the memories of last week. Slazenger 3’s were ready to face the day looking fresh, confident and, most importantly, ready to play.

From the first whistle, Slazenger looked like a team that had spent the week working on its skincare routine. Calm, composed and thoroughly cleansed of any defensive worries from the previous match.

The opening exchanges were competitive, but the visitors soon found their rhythm. John Sykes opened the scoring, giving Slazenger the perfect first layer of foundation.

Then came Aleks, adding the second goal and making sure the away side had a healthy glow going into the break.

Behind them, the midfield beauty team was working wonders. Seth, Will and Jack were absolutely superb, tackling with confidence and composure throughout the match. They were the hockey equivalent of a perfectly applied moisturiser — smooth, reliable and providing exactly the protection required!

And while the attack was doing the glamorous work, Trev and super Simon were quietly getting on with the serious business at the back. Their defensive work was so effective that goalkeeper Sammy barely had a blemish to deal with, making just one exceptional save all afternoon on his way to a well-deserved clean sheet.

The second half began with Bradford coming out on the front foot, but Slazenger weren’t about to let their beautifully prepared performance unravel.

Instead, Aleks quickly restored order, grabbing another goal shortly after the restart. And just when everyone thought his beauty routine was complete, he added another to complete his hat-trick!

The Slazenger attack was now positively glowing. Sykes wasn’t going to let Aleks have all the attention. He returned to the spotlight to score the visitors’ fifth, before adding a sixth to complete his own hat-trick and a little glow-up of his own.

Two hat-tricks. Six goals. One incredibly clean sheet.

It was less a hockey match and more a full afternoon at the Slazenger Beauty Clinic.

Throughout the second half, Seth, Dan, Will and Jack continued to dazzle. Their tackling was assured, their passing composed and their confidence growing with every minute. They provided the perfect supporting spa treatment to the more glamorous goal-scoring exploits up front.

At the back, Trev and super Simon continued their outstanding defensive proving to be the team’s micellar water: removing whatever Bradford threw at them.

And so, after last week’s 17–7 setback, Slazenger completed their transformation in spectacular fashion.

By the end of the afternoon, Slazenger had produced the complete package:

6 goals.
0 conceded.
First clean sheet in over a year.
Two hat-tricks.
One very happy squad.

A fabulous team performance from start to finish. The squad clearly arrived early, applied the correct products, followed the regime and emerged looking absolutely radiant.

Next week, the beauty tour comes home as we get the face masks ready as Harrogate visit Slaz.